


Reason for Leaving

by Redjay27



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: I suppose, I think I need help, It's 3 in the morning, Langst, M/M, agnst, also there's swearing, i dunno, ish, takes place in the middle of season 4, that's why the rating is so high, there's some fluff, with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 06:53:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12451965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redjay27/pseuds/Redjay27
Summary: When Keith had announced that he had decided to leave Voltron to pursue his Blade training, Lance had felt something inside him tear, something that had only been holding on by a thread. But Lance had maintained a straight face, not wanting the others to see how much pain he was in. And he especially didn’t want Keith to know how much his leaving was going to affect Lance.OR my guess as to what the real reason why Keith left was and then just running with the idea until this was made.





	Reason for Leaving

A million words swirled within Lance, threatening to bubble to the surface and explode out of him but he pushed them down. It wasn’t his place to make a scene, not when everyone else understood why Keith was leaving. And so, for now, Lance would keep his opinions locked up within him right next to his ever-growing feelings for the red paladin.

 

When Keith had announced that he had decided to leave Voltron to pursue his Blade training, Lance had felt something inside him tear, something that had only been holding on by a thread. But Lance had maintained a straight face, not wanting the others to see how much pain he was in. And he especially didn’t want Keith to know how much his leaving was going to affect Lance.

 

Not even Hunk, his closest friend in the universe, knew of Lance’s feelings towards Keith. Lance had kept that secret to himself, not even fully understanding it. He wasn’t sure when it started. If he tried to point to a single instance and say “That’s it. That’s where I knew that staying away from him was hopeless” he wouldn’t be able to. It wasn’t one single thing that caused Lance to be swept away but rather a plethora of things, both big and small. Like the way Keith was a little reckless, shooting first and asking questions later, not taking time to explore how something could go wrong. Or the way Keith would try to maintain a stern facade, never letting people see what he was really feeling except for those precious few moments that Lance had seen a small smile break through. Or the way his indigo eyes seemed to pierce whatever they were looking at, as if they were seeing something that Lance’s eyes would never be able to detect. Those things and so many more had carried Lance away into the ocean that he was now drowning in, completely being consumed by the man that was now saying goodbye.

 

And now as he watched Keith walk out of the room, moving on to the next stage of his life and leaving Lance behind, Lance could feel an emptiness start to open up within him. An emptiness that Lance knew would eventually swallow him whole.

 

But he would keep it together as long as he could and hope that someday soon he would see Keith again and maybe...just maybe...everything would be okay.

 

\-----

 

Days passed slowly in space, the concept of time meaning less and less to Lance the longer he was away from earth. Lance would wake up in the morning, attend to whatever duties were assigned to him that day, whether it be training or a mission, and then eat dinner with the rest of the team, all the while cracking jokes and smiling like nothing was wrong. Like there wasn’t an empty space at the table. He felt mechanical, just going through the motions of being a paladin rather than actually _being_ a paladin.

 

It was only late at night, after everyone else had gone to bed, that Lance had found he could truly be himself. He would creep softly out of his room and head to the observation deck he had found shortly after Keith had left. It was there that he would spend the small hours of the morning thinking about the dark-haired boy that was probably galaxies away, not even giving Lance a single thought.

 

There was a constant ache in his heart as he reminisced on the fond and not so fond memories he had of Keith. Like the time when Keith had chased Rolo through as asteroid field to get his lion back. Keith hadn’t let him live that down for a month. Or the time when Keith had gotten stuck in the elevator with him. Lance could remember how hard his heart had been pounding when his bare skin had touched Keith’s as they climbed up the shaft. If he tried hard enough, he could still feel the slight tingle the contact had left behind. The memory he focused on most, however, was brief, the moment only lasting a second.

 

It was during a fight. Lance could still remember the tense feeling in his shoulders and the shortness of breath that had been present during that fight. He remembered the instant he saw the knife fly towards Keith, too fast for Keith to properly defend against it. He remembered how time had seemed to slow down, like the universe was giving him a chance to save his life. It had surprised him how fast a calm wave had flowed over him, allowing him to properly aim and fire his weapon. The moment his shot hit the knife out of the air, time seemed to catch back up with him. He could picture with clarity the way Keith turned to him, shock mixed with relief etched on his face. And Lance remembered the light feeling that spread over him as Keith gave him the softest of smiles.

 

Lance played that memory over and over again in his mind, each time lingering on the image of Keith smiling at him. It didn’t matter that it was in the middle of a battle or that Keith had almost died. It was a memory that relaxed Lance, giving him a sense of security that he couldn’t find anywhere else. Something about that memory told Lance that Keith would return to them safe one day.

 

And it was only when he sat on the floor in the observation deck in front of the large window, hugging his knees to his chest, accompanied only by the distant twinkling of a million stars, that Lance allowed himself to mourn the loss of the one person that he desperately wanted to see.

 

\-----

 

“Lance! Watch your six!” Lance heard Shiro call but it came a second too late. Lance tried to turn and face the attacker but the beam of light was already heading his direction, hitting him on the shoulder and knocking him off his feet.

 

“End simulation!” He heard Shiro say as he tried to stop the slight dizziness in his head. He sat up and rubbed his shoulder where the shot had hit. His armor had blocked most of it but he knew that come tomorrow morning he’d have a bruise. Perfect.

 

“Lance? Are you okay?” Hunk asked, running over to where Lance was still seated on the floor of the training deck.

 

“Yeah.” Lance said. “Yeah, I’m good.”

 

“Are you sure? That was a pretty direct hit.” Allura said, her breathing a little labored from the training.

 

“That’s the third time this week you’ve been hit.” Pidge pointed out, her voice only holding a slight tone of sympathy. “Something’s definitely wrong with him.”

 

“I’m fine. I’ve just had an off week.” Lance said lightly, rolling his shoulders once before standing back up. He really didn’t want to be having this conversation. He didn’t need the others prying into his already chaotic inner turmoil.

 

“I don’t know…” Shiro said, looking at him with a concerned expression. “It isn’t like you to be making this many rookie mistakes. Are you sure there isn’t something bothering you?”

 

Lance loved his friends. He really did. They were like his family. But in that moment, panic took over any rational response he could’ve given them, instead causing his voice to come out harsher than intended.

 

“I said I’m fine.” He felt himself flinch at how sharp his words were, not at all prepared for the shocked expressions on his team’s face. Lance never snapped at them. Not even when he didn’t agree with them. He just didn’t do that.

 

Lance needed to get out of there. “I...uh…” Lance stuttered, his mind racing to come up with a plausible excuse. “Tired. I’m really, uh, tired.”

 

He didn’t wait for a response from anyone, instead ducking his head and pushing past the small group. It was everything he could do to not full on sprint out of the training deck and the tense atmosphere that surrounded it. Only when he was finally out in the hallway and away from the shocked stares of his teammates did Lance let his emotions run wild. He made his way to the observation deck that he now considered a second home, stopping only briefly at his room to change out of his armor.

 

One of the good parts about constantly being in space was that Lance could look at the stars whenever he wanted to. And right now, he needed them more than ever.

 

It had been over a month since Keith had left and they hadn’t heard a word from him since. Lance had steadily been growing more and more worried that something had happened to him. Maybe he was injured or captured or…

 

Something sour lodged in Lance’s throat as his thoughts turned dark. He felt water start to build behind his eyes and a choked sob escaped his throat. He pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes, trying to hold the rising tide of emotions inside him at bay.

 

He knew he couldn’t keep going like this. Sooner or later he was going to completely break down. What if he broke down in the middle of a battle? What if one of his teammates got hurt because he couldn’t focus? Lance wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something like that happened.

 

No, something had to change and it had to change soon.

 

\-----

 

The quiet hum of the castle was the only sound that could be heard aside from Lance’s quiet footsteps that echoed softly throughout the halls as he headed towards the red lion’s hangar. No one knew of his plans to leave, and it was better that way. He wasn’t in the mood to answer a billion questions. Plus, there was no guarantee that Shiro would just let him go.

 

In reality, he probably shouldn’t leave. He didn’t have any actual idea where Keith was. But despite that, Lance knew that if he didn’t at least see that Keith was still alive and in one piece, he would never be able to stop worrying. Even if he only saw him for just a moment...well, that would be better than nothing.

 

Lance entered the hangar, the red lion immediately crouching down so Lance could board. It seemed to know Lance’s intentions and surprisingly didn’t raise a single objection to his plan.

 

Lance felt a sad smile form on his face as he sat down in the pilot’s chair. “You miss him too, huh?” He muttered, his voice reverberating off the metal walls of the lion. He felt the soft purring of the lion drifting through his thoughts, letting him know that he was correct. “Well, what do ya say? Should we go find him?”   

 

The lion let out a roar and Lance hoped that it hadn’t woken up anyone else in the castle. But before he could really dwell on that, Red had taken off, exiting the castle and sending them into the vastness of space.

 

Lance waited until they were a pretty safe distance from the castle before he closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. He focused his mind on the red lion’s presence on the edge of his conscious. It was only a hunch that the red lion could locate Keith. He wasn’t sure how strong the bond between the red lion and Keith was. He didn’t know if the bond between lion and paladin faded over time, but it was his only hope of finding Keith.

 

He took a deep breath as he searched the cosmos with Red’s assistance. It was a bizarre feeling, like his mind was stretching like rubber over miles upon miles of space. Most of it was nothingness, just a void waiting to be filled with life. Occasionally, he would brush past some sort of energy, but it wasn’t what he was looking for. This energy felt foreign and Lance was looking for something familiar, something that felt like home.

 

He wasn’t sure how long he searched, but finally he felt the faintest presence of something warm. Something that caused Lance’s heart to pick up speed in his chest. It took the red lion less than an instant to lock onto it, flying towards it at a speed that Lance had never seen before.

 

Lance opened his eyes to streaks of light flying past him and it took him a moment to realize they were stars. He couldn’t help but let out a laugh at the lion’s eagerness to see Keith. His excitement mirrored the lion’s, an energy coursing through him that he hadn’t felt in a long time. There was no doubt in his mind that it was caused by the fact that with every passing second he was getting closer to Keith.

 

“Lance!” Lance jumped slightly as Shiro appeared on the screen in front of him, looking more than a little angry. “What are you doing?!”

 

Lance shook his head. “I can’t tell you.”

 

“Why?” Shiro demanded.

 

“Because then you won’t let me do it.” Lance replied truthfully. He saw no point to lying to Shiro.

 

Shiro sighed, sounding irritated. “I’m coming to get you. You can’t just leave without telling anyone.” Shiro’s voice was stern and Lance felt a small twinge of guilt stir in his stomach.

 

“No!” Lance said quickly. “Listen, I really need to do this...can’t you just trust me? I won’t be gone long, I swear.”

 

Maybe it was the desperate look on his face or the earnestness in his voice but Shiro’s expression softened. “Can you promise me that you aren’t doing anything dangerous?”

 

“I promise.” Lance said with a nod. “I’ll make it back in one piece.”

 

Shiro paused for a moment before finally giving in, “Alright...just don’t make this a regular thing, okay?”

 

“Yes, sir!” Lance said, giving Shiro the first true smile he had been able to form in over a month.

 

Shiro disappeared from his screen, and Lance once again was left alone to find Keith. He didn’t know how Keith would react when he saw Lance, probably angrily if Lance knew Keith at all, but Lance didn’t care. He knew that Keith was going to ask why he was there and Lance wasn’t sure how he was going to answer that. He figured he would sort all that out when he actually saw Keith.

 

Lance was acting on a whim and with luck, Lance would get the reassurance he needed to turn his focus back to his team and saving the universe.

 

\-----

 

Lance’s eyes flew open as something sharp poked against his conscious. He tensed for a moment before realizing it was just the red lion. Lance blinked a few times, not realizing he had fallen asleep in the first place. He checked the time on the screen, becoming slightly shocked that five hours had passed. He rubbed his eyes with his gloved hands and yawned before he felt another poke at his mind.

 

“I’m up, I swear.” Lance whined. He looked at his scanners. “Where are we?”

 

As if they had been listening to him, the masked face of one of the Blade of Marmora’s agents popped up on the screen. “Paladin Lance.” The agent greeted. “What brings you to this outpost?” The tone wasn’t hostile but guarded and honestly, Lance didn’t blame them for that. He would be suspicious if one of them suddenly showed up at the castle without telling them ahead of time.

 

“I’m here to see Keith. I have something urgent to discuss with him.” Lance made his voice urgent and official sounding, hoping that it would help him gain entry to the outpost that he only now noticed was floating a couple hundred yards in front of him.

 

There was a silence on the other end for a moment before the agent finally said, “Very well. Approach.”

 

Lance let out the breath he had been holding as the agent disappeared from his screen. He felt the excitement start to rise in his chest again as he maneuvered the red lion towards the hangar doors that had started to open. The excitement, however, was also accompanied by a nervousness that he couldn’t seem to shake.

 

He was finally going to see Keith.

 

 _He was finally going to see Keith._  

 

It didn’t matter that he didn’t know what he was going to say or that Keith might not want to see him. It didn’t matter that he had flown hours to get to him and his legs were cramping up from sitting for so long. It didn’t matter that the others were going to ask him so many hard to answer questions once he got back to the castle.

 

Right now all Lance could think about was how he was finally going to get to see his favorite indigo-eyed, long-haired, broody, and exceptionally wonderful person in the entire universe. And just that thought had Lance practically bouncing out of his seat as Red touched down.

 

He left his helmet sitting on the seat as he exited Red, knowing that he wouldn’t be needing it. He stepped off the ramp and onto the hard floor of the hangar, looking around for any sign on life. It was only moments before the door at the far end of the room slid open, revealing the person that Lance had been looking for.

 

Keith was decked out in his Blade of Marmora suit, hood pulled over his head but his mask off. He looked tired, like he had just gotten back from a particularly difficult mission. But despite that, Lance could see an excited gleam in his eyes.

 

Lance had expected to feel relieved. He expected for all of his worries to disappear the moment he saw Keith, but that wasn’t the case at all. Instead, Lance felt angry. He felt an unchecked rage course through him, making his blood boil. Unable to stop himself, Lance stalked towards Keith, shooting him with a dagger-filled glare.

 

Keith’s face turned confused as he saw Lance’s blatant anger. “Lance? What’s wrong?” Keith asked and Lance would’ve leapt for joy at the sound of Keith’s voice if it hadn’t been for the fire in his veins.

 

Lance didn’t respond, instead setting his jaw and gritting his teeth. Keith took a hesitant step backwards as Lance grew closer but didn’t run from him. It wasn’t like Keith to run from a fight...or in this case, a raging Lance.

 

When Lance was in range he balled his hand into a fist and swung his arm towards Keith, hitting him perfectly on the jaw and sending him stumbling back a few steps. His hand flew to his face where Lance had hit him, a mixture of shock and anger on his face.

 

“What the fuck, Lance?” He asked, a fire building in his eyes.

 

“How fucking dare you!” Lance spit back at him. “How could you do that?”

 

“Do what?” Keith demanded. “What the hell are you talking about?!”

 

“It’s been months, Keith! And not a word!” Lance was seething. He didn’t know where this rage was coming from but he had latched onto it and was going to use it to get his point across. “How hard would it have been to check in? To just let us know you’re still alive, huh? How hard, Keith?”

 

Keith met his fire with more fire. “I didn’t realize you guys were my babysitters. I’ll make sure to call next time.” Keith voice was harsh, his words like knives, each one piercing Lance in a new way.

 

“Oh, don’t even try to pull that card! Everyone was worried about you! What if you had been hurt? What if you had died, Keith?” Lance said, his voice becoming slightly shaky as a  new emotion started to grip his heart.

 

“If the other’s were so worried, where are they?” Keith asked, gesturing towards the red lion behind Lance. “Why did only you come?”

 

Lance knew the answer to that but he wasn’t about to tell Keith. Lance found himself at a loss for words, his anger fading fast as it was replaced by panic. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying desperately to find a way to answer Keith.

 

Keith waited, arms crossed over his chest and brows furrowed in annoyance.

 

“I…” Lance managed to squeak out. “I…”

 

Keith, probably realizing that Lance wasn’t going to give him an answer anytime soon let out a tired sigh, the angry expression falling from his face. “So are you gonna tell me why you’re really here?”

 

Lance felt his walls crumble at Keith words. He would never be able to understand Keith’s power to completely overwhelm Lance with hardly any effort. Lance ran his shaky hands through his hair a few times, his breath coming out in small pants as he tried to slow his racing heart. “I just…” He started, his gaze locked on the floor between them. “...needed to see you. To know that you were okay.” Lance’s voice was low, barely audible even in the quiet of the room.

 

“Ya know, you could’ve just called.” Keith replied, his voice surprisingly even despite what Lance had said. “You didn’t have to fly all the way over here.”

 

Lance shook his head, glancing up at Keith. “No, I had to come. I needed to see you in person.”

 

Keith covered his hand with his face and mumbled, “Jesus, Lance, what am I going to do with you? Okay, fine. You had to see me in person but did you have to punch me?”

 

Lance let out a laugh at that. “I guess not. I suppose I was taking a page out of your book.”

 

Keith let out another sigh before saying. “Fair enough. C’mon. Let’s find somewhere more private to talk.” Keith glanced around the room suspiciously.

 

Lance nodded and then followed Keith out of the room. The outpost Keith was stationed at looked like every other Blade outpost Lance had visited, each hall looking exactly the same as the one they were just in. Keith seemed to know where he was going though, not hesitating for a moment as he turned corner after corner. Neither of the spoke, Lance not wanting to say anything until they were out of the prying eyes of the Blade agents.

 

Keith finally stopped in front of a door and it slid open to reveal a barren-looking bedroom. Keith entered the room and Lance followed behind him, the door closing behind him.

 

“This is your room?” Lance asked, glancing around the small room.

 

Keith shrugged. “For the moment. I only get it until I’m transferred to another outpost.” The two were silent for a moment before Keith asked another question. “So, how is everybody?”

 

“Really good, actually.” Lance replied honestly. “Everyone’s been working hard to expand the coalition.”

 

“And you?” Keith asked.

 

“I’ve...been better.” Lance said slowly. There was another silence between the two and this time it was Lance who broke it. “Why’d you leave?”

 

It was a simple question. A question that Lance had been asking himself every night since Keith had left. However, he knew there was no simple answer to it.

 

“I already told you.” Keith replied, a guarded tone to his voice. “It was a good opportunity to pursue my Blade training and hunt Lotor.”

 

Lance shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. What’s the real reason you left?”

 

Lance could feel a heaviness settle in the room as Keith processed what he had said. Lance waited patiently for an answer, giving Keith the time to form his thoughts.

 

“...You.” He finally said and in that instant Lance felt his world shatter.

 

He had been the reason? Had he pushed Keith away from them? Was all of this his fault? Sure, they had a rivalry at first be he had thought they were starting to move past that. At least, that’s what Lance had thought. Had Keith not thought the same?

 

“Me?” Lance asked softly, his voice strained.

 

“Of course it was you.” Keith replied. “I really don’t think anyone else could have made me leave. I mean, you were so willing to give up your spot as a paladin and I knew that there was no Voltron if you weren’t flying one of the lions…” Keith trailed off, seeming to get lost in his own thoughts.

 

Lance was sure he hadn’t heard Keith correctly. “Wait...what?” Keith snapped out of his thoughts, his eyes finding Lance’s. “Keith, did you leave because of what I told you about stepping aside?”

 

Keith nodded slowly, “Yeah, I did.”

 

“Why?” Lance asked, his voice catching slightly in his throat.

 

“Because I knew that the only thing that would stop you from stepping aside was there only being five paladins. Lance, you’re an amazing fighter and an even better teammate. Voltron wouldn’t last two seconds without you. But me? Voltron would be just fine without me. With Shiro back I wasn’t really needed anymore...so I left to keep the team together.” Keith voice held a note of pain and Lance was sure he missed the team just as much as Lance missed him.

 

“That’s not true.” Lance said, a new strength to his voice. “You’re an irreplaceable part of our team.”

 

Keith shook his head. “No I’m not, Lance. I’m not needed.”

 

A new fire seemed to spark inside Lance, this rage vastly different from the one he had felt before. “Bullshit. _I_ need you. Can’t you see that?”

 

“You...need me?” Keith asked.

 

“Yeah, ya dumbass. Why do you think I came all the way out here? For fun?” Lance retorted.

 

“I guess...I mean…” Keith stammered, taken off guard by Lance’s sudden forwardness.

 

“Do you have any idea what I’ve gone through? I can’t focus, Keith. I can’t function and that’s put everyone else in danger. I can’t…” Lance took a deep breath before continuing. “I can’t keep not knowing if you’re even still alive.” Lance took a couple of steps towards a still stunned looking Keith. “Not knowing where you’re at or if you’re hurt or when I’m going to see you again is harder than facing a thousand galra fleets alone...please believe me…”

 

“Why?” Keith asked softly.

 

“Because…” Lance paused, staring down into those indigo eyes he loved so much and seeing the universe. “Because you mean more to me than you could ever possibly know.” Lance’s voice was just as soft as Keith.

 

Lance expected Keith to back away from him or hit him or something. But Keith just stayed where he was, not taking his eyes off of Lance. Lance could feel a certain electricity in the air, something that could either make or break the moment. So Lance waited for Keith to say or do something, letting him decide how the rest of this was going to play out.

 

“Prove it.” Keith said, his voice soft and low, hardly more than a whisper.

 

Lance didn’t need to be told twice. He cupped the side of Keith’s face gently before leaning down and capturing his mouth with his own. The kiss was slow and deep, Lance savoring the taste of Keith’s lips against his own. He snaked an arm around Keith’s waist and pulled him closer, causing Keith to grip the back of Lance’s neck, his fingers tangling in the short strands of Lance’s hair.

 

There was still a lot Lance didn’t know. He didn’t know what was going to happen next; if Keith was going to come back to the castle or stay with the Blade. He didn’t know what the other’s would think of the two of them. Hell, he didn’t even know what they were. But there was one thing Lance was absolutely sure of:

 

In this moment Keith was safe in his arms, and that was going to have to be enough for now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> I figured it was about time I hopped on the season 4 train. Also, I needed something to help me wind down after finishing my last monster of a fic before jumping head first into my ongoing one. Ya know, normal writer things.  
> Anyway, any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated. Seriously, it just makes my whole day.  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya around!
> 
> ~Redjay


End file.
